This would happen to me, just blows my mind.
My life here lately has become a big hurricane.
I finally get a vacation this week, get to
just relax finally, I need it very much.
I need new things.

I don't know wht my deal is about you,
But for some reason I'm trippin over you.
I just really hope tht I'm not setting myself up to be hurt.
I really hope things work with us, and I hope you honestly like me.
I just wish you would let the fact tht I went out with Jp go,
It wasn't anything serious, and I know it hurt you, but its
getting to the point to were its annoying now, & I'm still sorry.
So lets take things nice and slow and do this right.

Sometimes you do things I don't understand,
Like honestly how can you not see me when
I'm like 20 feet away from you? It like
when its just me and you, You are so sweet,
But sometimes when other people are around its
like I'm not even there. Its weird. But you know
I'm not even going to trip over it.

I just dont have the strength anymore.
You are always a dayy too late.
Now tht you want me, I'm moving on,
Now you finally see and it's too late,
and you wish you had me bck.
Cold-hearted words to say to the one
tht gave tht heart you took away.
Love here was so strong, but now
its all dead and gone.

Nothing we say is going to save us from the fall out.
We always have to go through the bed times to get too the good,
We always have to get hurt and broken, so someone else can put us bck together,
We always have to go through life wondering whts going to go wrong next,
We always will some how pull through and be put bck together,
But when, when does tht happen??
I wish someone would show me the way,
Lead me to the good,
I feel like I've been stuck in this bad time for days, months, and years.
I dont get why you would walk away and leave,
but then you call me wanting to see me wanting to talk to me,
we could have talked if you didn't walk away,
You kill me inside so much, but you will never see tht part.

Well unfortunately this has not been wht I hoped for,
It has been well not so freaking great,
History lessons, Gloomy beach sittings,
Raining while you are trying to do a tour,
Speeches about you need to go to college and blah blah.
Not my ideal of a vacation, no laying out on
the beach or by the pool getting tan.

I have two days left then I can go bck home,
To driving and going when I please, working,
and seeing the people tht I would really like to be with.

Yes I want to be with you but thats sort-of hard when my parents wont allow it and I wont hide things I've done it before and it doens't work out, it gets old very fast and annoying.

& I honestly dont see how you expect me to look at you the same after what you did a week ago. Yes I forgive you but I can't just completely erase that it happened.

I hide my feelings well and I know seeing you will break them free and I dont want that I would rather just ignore them or deal with them by myself. We can not be together now its just not going to work, not even a week from now, maybe months or even in a year when I'm 18 and can do as I wish, but not now.

I wish you would just sit and think about things in my shoes, but you are so concerned about yourself that you can't even consider my side of things. I know I've hurt you in the past many time but all of the things I did too you added up dont amount to what you did to me, to us.

I'm sorry but this has to be our goodbye.

Theres always something different going wrong,
the path I walk is in the wrong direction.
(Story of my life)

I don't even know who I am anymore,
Everything always goes wrong,
nothing ever works,
I always fail.

Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you, within me I can find no rest

I try to imagine me without you and all
that crosses my mind is I can't live
I have nothing left inside of me, to continue
on, to continue to breathe, I have nothing
to move on for, Tonight I should die, I have
nothing left.

Why do I even try,
why do i put myself through this,
everyday, all the time.

Its completely vanished in my life,
I be honest and I'm not believed,
I dont lie and I actually ask you
to go where I'm actually going and
you tell me no but you know that when
I ask you to stay somewhere else you
supposely know where I'm going and you
say yeah when I tell you a lie and you
even know its a lie, I don't understand it.

I guess I will just lie and you will say yes,
Thts so fucking stupid, Nothing in my life
makes sense to me, people are so stupid.

I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through.
Once again we are going through this,
Once again we are back to this,
Once again I screwed up,
Once again I hurt you,
Once again you can't trust me,
Once again you are being a complete ass,
Once again, once again, once again.

Nothing seems to go right,
Nothing seems to last,
Nothing is the same,
Everything is fading,
Everything is back to square one.

Today has been very long.
Last day of summer school,
Came home and laid out,
Took a shower, ate, and read.
I've sat waiting to hear something from you,
The love of my life, My Fiance since June 21, 2009,
I understand now how you feel when you wait for me at
night to get off of work it's very annoying and sad.
I've realized that without you I couldn't even think
to continue to breathe to keep myself alive. I trust you
with my life, I love you with all of my heart and soul,
I want you to be by my side forever, I need you more
than I have ever needed anything, baby I breathe you, never
ever leave you, life wouldn't be the same without you.

You are becoming a little too obesssive. I'm feeling overcrowded. I want to do my own thing sometimes and not always be around you. I don't want to talk to you all the time or text you constantly. I'm feeling that I might need a slight break from all of this. It's becoming too much.

I'm becoming a failure, I failed my US History exam. I don't know what is wrong with me. I just want to scream.